Self-compassion: being on your own side
Most of us are far harder on ourselves than we'd ever be on a friend. Here's how to practise a kinder inner voice, without letting yourself off the hook.
Self-compassion means responding to your own difficulties the way you would to a good friend's: with warmth, understanding and some common sense. It sounds soft, but it's a practical skill, and an important one.
Isn't being hard on myself what keeps me going?
Many people worry that if they stop criticising themselves, they'll stop trying. In practice, harsh self-criticism tends to add shame and fear of failure, which makes people more likely to avoid things. Being kind to yourself makes it easier to look honestly at mistakes and try again.
A three-step pause
- Name it. "This is really hard right now."
- Remember you're not alone. "Struggling is part of being human. Other people feel this too."
- Offer some kindness. "What would I say to a friend who felt like this?" Then say something like that to yourself.
You might place a hand on your chest while you do it, if that feels OK. It can feel awkward at first. That's normal, and it gets easier.
If your inner critic is very loud, SteadySelf's self-esteem tools include a step-by-step way to answer it.
Written by the SteadySelf team. Updated 17 October 2026. This article is for general wellbeing and isn't medical advice. If you're struggling, talk to your GP, or refer yourself to NHS Talking Therapies. If you need help now, use the Need help now? button.